MENSAJE IMPORTANTE:

Si este gringo se pierde, ayúdalo a encontrar el camino hacia su princesa peruana que vive en el norte, en Chiclayo / Pimentel, distrito de Lambayeque.

Mándame whatsapp al 997 285 895

Dearest anDrew,

Silent on the (an). Do you prefer Andrew? Drew? Silver Fox? The Fonz? I decided I’d start off right away jumping the shark to avoid future humiliation of having taken things too far by accident vs intention. Here in llama land, you would be an Andrés by the way. It’s a decent alias perhaps? Do note that if things don’t work out, you can keep the name, but I will charge Peruvian Tax on it for the next 219 days. 😉 Seeing as you’ve mined some of my genius these days, I think it’s the only fair thing to do.

Welcome to your formal invitation and swexy travel assistant. (This is my biz brain and hospitality heart activated because I can’t help but be of support when it comes to planning a possible trip to Peru). If I’m stepping on your Ma🧀mo toes, I’m truly sorry, but don’t worry, you can take over from here. By all means, please lead the way.

So, it does indeed look like the best options and variety of routes, airlines, and pricing for flights are from Miami to Lima or to Chiclayo and there are non-stops for both.

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NOTABLE AIRLINES:

LATAM is the American Airlines of the South. It used to be cool, it’s still the go-to but also the most pricy and with mediocre service. You’ll easily pay 30%-100% more for their flights. I stopped using them personally. Although I will admit, their seats are more comfortable and if you have plane jitters, they’re the quieter airline.

COPA has been my go-to. It’s hit or miss on the comfort of the plane. I’m not sure which planes are used for which routes, but I’ve sometimes had comfortable flights and sometimes it’s a tighter fit with those thinner plane seats that are just barely tolerable. It’s not like Spirit Airlines, but maybe like more a JetBlue kind of experience. Depends on the vessel you get.

DELTA is often what Latam is actually putting you on and similar to LATAM except maybe a better price. This could be a decent option.

SKY is another airlines I’ve had friends use who seem satisfied with - but I have never taken it so I can’t give a personal comment.

AMERICAN is also another classic airline that you can trust and probably better than LATAM in service and price.

THING-A-MA-BOBBER™

BUY NOW, REGRET LATER.

Ladies, tired of endlessly scrolling through men’s dating profiles showing you the size of their fish? Hoping to find the Southern Gentleman values of yesteryear, with a touch of Bad-Boy, and a whole of creativity and intellect?
The THING-A-MA-BOBBER will help you reel in only the best, with quick replies expressing willingness to have discussions with you. It’s better than another fish or golf photo asking if you’re into dogs or not.

BEST BANG FOR YOUR BUCK
Using Google Flights with the Price Grid view you can find a decent round trip (direct or 1 stop) at the best price in the range of $350-$600. They can go as high as $1500 (which sounds pretty overpriced). Remember to use a Guest Private Browser and clear your cache in between visits as with each search the price goes up. Yes. They drop a pixel on your page and create urgency. Damn them. Damn them to hell.

THE BIGGER CHOICE TO MAKE
Which adventure will you choose? If it weren’t enough already….

A) To land in Lima and have me meet you there as the starting point of our shenanigans. Options would include staying a night in Lima using the plentiful public transport options (taxis and buses are cheap) to go where we want… A cheap and quick flight from Lima can take us to the famous Cusco (one of my faves) - note that if you suffer from altitude sickness, this may be a risk you don’t want to take right now. Other options are to visit Nazca Lines (I’ve never been). This would be 2-4 days in itself though. So bare that in mind. Otherwise, we could make our way North where you can see where I currently reside, (1 hour flight, 12 hour overnight bus, day roadtrip in rental) and you can meet my charming family before I insist on then taking you further North to Mancora Beach or into the Mountains to see the true beauty of Peru. (Yes, my own town is actually my least fave part of Peru I’m sad to admit.)

B) To head straight to Chiclayo where I’d pick you up from the little airport and we’d go straight to my home about 20 minutes away to get you settled. We could then rent a car or use public transport quite easily to move around here and you can see the best and the worst of this town and again, meet la familia. With this option, I would say we certainly enjoy finding our way North and into the Mountains by car/bus/collectivo from here. Roooaaaaddddtrip! There’s lots of places to see, many of which I haven’t even enjoyed myself because I don’t want to go solo and haven’t created the time or space for it.

This was the best combination of dates and airports for 1 stop or non-stop. Although toggling a day or two earlier or later shows other options that could work. SKY & AMERICAN would be my picks here.
(PEN is the Peru Nuevo Sol, with an exchange rate of approx. $1 to S/3.7)

WHAT TO BRING:
Your wit, your vulnerability, your charm, your seductive cheeky smile, your massage oil and chap stick, comfortable shoes (but not dweeb shoes), v-neck t-shirts, sunglasses, long hair, a notebook, dice or a coin to flip, a compass (Marcelo really wants one and I can’t find one here), cash that you can exchange at a better rate here on the ground vs ahead of time, a match just in case it’s the last things we have to survive a cold night lost on a beautiful mountain, snuggle-worthy pajamas to practice all-night-long cuddling, your sexiest cologne (I may get weak in the knees for this Jean Paul Gaultier fragrance or ones with similar notes - ugh to die for - it’s lethal as you say. LETHAL ❤️‍🔥 and should be illegal), and last but certainly not least, your heart - which I intend on inserting the Kat 2.0 AI Chip into. It’s not my fault, Bill Gates made me do it. Please congratulate me on the my running-sentence structure. It was… say it with me… no… small…. xo.

The weather here is like the Coast of Southern California, hot and cold day-by-day, hour-by-hour, so layers work best and yes they sell clothes here if you end up needing something. They don’t sell cocaine though… they give it away for free. Don’t forget your toothbrush or your charger with the long cord. Oh, and bring Mr. Hand just in case our 3rd REAL date goes over the moon. REAL DATES, according to the Oxford Dictionary is defined as "creativity and effort to cultivate thoughtful romance and intimacy that doesn’t fane with complacency and lack of curiosity and imagination over time or with age”.

IS YOUR LOVE LIFE TOO HOT TO HANDLE?

SPLASH COLD WATER ON THE SEX APPEAL WITH OUR VINTAGE COLLECTION OF SOCKS WITH SANDLES & BERKENSTOCKS.

CHOOSE BETWEEN OUR FEMININE WOVEN LEATHER OPTIONS OR ARE EASY-TO-GRIP-FOR-GRANDPA VELCRO STRAPS. NOTHING SAYS “I GAVE UP ON MY COOL FACTOR” MORE THAN A SANDALED MAN.

THINGS TO DO & PLACES TO GO
In Chiclayo, we can explore several attractions including the Royal Tombs of Sipan Museum, the historic Huaca Rajada site, the Tucume Pyramids, and the Pomac Forest. Other notable places are the historic center, Pimentel Pier, and Laquipampa Wildlife Refuge. Paseo Yortuque is interesting if you’re into giant stone mythical monsters. Tim Burton approved.

BEST RESTAURANTS FROM MY HUMBLE OPINION
CAFE 900 - My fave places to take friends and family, never a miss
Sabores Peruanos - Locals love this place,
El Taller - Local Brewery & Pizza Place (love it)
Osé Creative Lounge - Never been, but looks cool
La Taberna - Never been, looks interesting
La Proa - By the beach, a classic, I know the Chef

Several more but we can discover them while you’re here.

NEED SPARKS?

Nothing says “I’ll Love You Forever” like creating tension, attention to details, and an adventure.

SPY LEVEL ROMANCE
A field guide about the nuances of smarts and seduction by Drew In Peru - a tried and tested formula with lots of documented proof of how to conquesting a woman’s heart and perfect-sized feet.

Welcome to Peruuuuuu! (If you come). Zero pressure. None. Zilch. Nada. I mean, you could just be missing out on THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE… OR…. your most thrilling and poetic heartbreak story to date. Both would be worth smiling about on one’s deathbed of #noregrets if you ask me.

However, if you do indeed decide to come, I hope this lil guide helps. I think regardless of anything, we’ll have a good time. To fall or not to fall in love can only be determined by a series of fortunate events, demerited point blunders followed by juvenile humor, and that rock-n-roll kind of chemistry that makes no logical sense and leads to further challenges, more mindfks, and elation that keeps the spirit… Jung. 😘

Lovingly,
Katheryn Trouble Bwye Xo
(THE ONLY good-girl-bad-girl-babe-with-brains-and-bangs-in-the-whole-wide-world that’s been holding out for ONE mega hella special kinda man who has beyond excellent taste in rare women, who doth not reach for the fruit that hangs low, but for the hardest to reach across the Atlantic, back and below. I can recognize magic and won’t settle for anything less at this point in my life. It’s been a long time since meeting someone who can get me to fire on all cylinders…. until… now. I cast the net far and wide twice before, and perhaps the old saying that third time’s a charm may actually hold true. No pressure. Really. Just wanted you to know that each conversation has been increasingly enjoyable and I may have to break some hopeful hearts if this continues. I also wanted you to know that your presence in Peru has been formally summoned by the commanding spirit of the late Queen of England (RIP) so take it up with her ghost if you must reject because “flights are too expensive” and you get cold feet or Cupid-19 doesn’t clear before your departure. I also do well with long (not) awkward silences by the way. I think we all need to turn the engines off on a regular basis, and that could be super sweet to do together too.)

Lovingly again,
Your Good Problem To Have,
Kat